Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
