a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
