Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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