dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
