I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize