weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We need to get me chipped asap
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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