My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
