She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize