When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
