It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
