if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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