Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
