I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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