So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
