You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
