bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
