My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
