I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
