Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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