Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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