I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
