did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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