Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize