my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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