Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
