i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize