does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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