I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
