I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
