Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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