i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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