Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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