She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Acid is not a monday night drug
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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