OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize