I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
