I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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