Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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