I smell stomach acid.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
ugly people sure do ruin things
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
