While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
