There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
