my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm sobbing to NWA
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize