that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
