Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
