My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We are all done wearing pants today
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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