I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
