i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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