OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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