woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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