I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
