i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
