We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
