My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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