I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
did you just send me my own nude
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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