You really coming over, don't trick.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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