Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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