exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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