This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
