Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
