just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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