I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
