i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
