I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
