I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize