Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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