Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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