Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
