Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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