i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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