You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
