Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Mom said you looked used
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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