508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
