it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
