shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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