hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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