I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
