I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
