It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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