i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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