We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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