Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
