Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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