I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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