new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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