Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
this hospital has no fireball
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
