im about as happy as oj after his trial
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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