my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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