you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm getting married
To pizza
Someone stole a lamp last night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
