Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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