she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize