I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
