Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
