Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This house was built for laser tag.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
