This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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