i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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