I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
