The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
