I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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