While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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