My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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