So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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