No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
