Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
