Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
